Letter to an Angel
by Kirk4ever
Summary: Buffy finally tells him everything that he should know. 1st part set just before The Gift. 2nd Part set while Angel thinks Buffy is dead.
1. My Angel

_My _Angel.

It took me a while to understand; that night (my prom) when I said I understood, I lied. How could I have understood? I was eighteen, and walking around like a zombie (and we should know) because you were going to leave me. Now I'm twenty, and since then, another man has left me, but I found myself acting normally even the day after he left.

I guess you were always right about Riley. He left because he couldn't handle me being better than him – stronger and faster that him. I guess I was right about me though – I can't have normal boyfriend any more than you can have a normal girlfriend (and by the way, I would care about as much as you cared about Riley). It just can't happen for us – we aren't normal people!

When you left me, all I could think was that you didn't want to be with someone who you couldn't actually _be_ with, in the fullest sense of the word. It has taken me two years to realise that you left me because you love me, even if all your reasons are still (mostly) a load of rubbish. But I can forgive you for that – for one thing, I will always love you, and so I can't be angry with you for long, and for another, I respect your decisions too much for that. If you thought that that was what you needed to do, then I just have to live with it.

Only that's the problem – I'm really only writing this letter because I have a feeling that I am going to die soon. Glory is after Dawn, and there's this small nagging feeling that prompts me to write this letter – not a goodbye, but something else, because I hate goodbyes. You didn't say goodbye to me, so I'm not going to say it to you.

I really have missed you. Talking with you about everything and anything, whether you were listening or not I never really knew, knowing you were watching my back in patrol, listening to you read old poetry. Just being with you really.

I never loved Riley as much as I loved you – I think that's part of the reason he left. I just wanted you to know that.

If I'm right, then you're reading this, and if I'm wrong, then I'll re-write this to tell you that I forgive you and still love you. But if you are reading this, could you please look after Dawnie for me? Just … just watch out for her will you? I know it was always you making sure I was still alive in all of those patrols in LA, and I know you can do it from LA, even if she moves to the middle of a random dessert somewhere. I believe you can do it, and I'll ask spike too, because she can never have too much protection.

Dawnie used to love you, you know! She always thought of you like her big brother, always there to help her out whenever she needed it. Most of that has been transferred to spike now – he even helps her with homework sometimes. I know this sounds hard to believe, but he really has changed, and he actually has a crush on me, which is … strange. But Dawnie loves him just like she always loved you, and I know he will protect her, but I would feel better knowing that you will be too.

With all the love that I have left to spare – Dawn gets first dibbs.

_Your_ Buffy.


	2. My Buffy

"Buffy. Hi.

"I got your letter, and I decided to write you a reply, but I'm not sure how to post something to heaven, so I thought I would tell you what it said instead.

"'_My_ Buffy.

I miss you so much, that I am glad that I don't need to breathe – I would be very dead by now. I'm watching out for Dawn, just like you asked – if the gang ask me where I go every Friday, I never answer. They just assume that I'm out doing my 'dark avenger' bit – in their dreams. I check on her every week, and I am sorry I can't do more, but I couldn't imagine you wanting me to quit. Not now.

I have nothing to say to you – usually it was always you who did most of the talking (Yes I was listening by the way!) and now I don't know what to tell you.

It means so much to me that you understand now why I left, because I just can't seem to remember the reasons at all. Ever.

I wish every day that you were back here with me, but I'm holding onto the hope that one day, I will have redeemed myself enough to be with you again. I have a feeling that you'll be stuck in those clouds for a good while yet, though. Don't wait up for me, okay? Have a nice time with your mum, your cousin and everyone else up there with you.

Time is all relative I think, so I will see you soon

_Your_ Angel.'

"I still have nothing left to say, just that I love you and I will always love you."

He left a rose on her memorial stone at his hotel and went inside. Each night, there would be a new rose, and each night he would tell her something new. None of his 'friends' had any idea.


End file.
